Magazine 'The Bystander' - 12th of June 1918, item 2

• October 25, 2017 18:19:39 Thomas A. Lingner

  Page 452, The Bystander, June 12, 1918

  
  

  "In England - Now!" (concluded)

  
  

  Well, perhaps; but not only about waitresses,

  fortunately. For instance, what of this that's 

  just now reached me from the seat of war?

    O Blanchie! Has thou ever in distress,

    When Khaki begins to gather round and press

    Its war-worn feet upon thy dainty dress,

    Blushed at the praise of thine own loveliness?

  
  

    Or gently shrinking, like a startled fawn,

    Wishing that cavaliers had ne'er been born

    To clasp they sylph-like waist in love's own vice,

    And as you gasp for breath produce an ice.

   Two swastikas used as section breaks. 

  And lots more just like that. This-er-poet is 

  always so deliciously Victorian-that's what 

  I like about him, don't you? Blushing and shrinking

  and gasping. Startled fawns and sylph-like waists. 

  Might be back in the days of Jane Austen, or some-

   Cartoon showing Judge and two officers with caption "We're all simply mad about it" 

  one, mightn't we? Alas! that these shyly slithery

  damsels are deader than the dodo! For, you know,

  I really think men rather like them.

  
  

  Talking of love, "do air a moan I've got, dear

  Blanche," writes a very youthful one of those

  most susceptible of all men, a Senior Service warrior.

  "I'm told that we, the Navy, won't get any prize-

  money. Isn't it scandalous? Here we've been

  nearly four years keeping the submerged Hun from

  the happy home, bagging his ships and his trade,

  and now our one hope has left us, has been rudely 

  snatched away, and teh only people to benefit by our

  exertions are the lawyers-taken two millions in

  fees, etc, already they have, so I'm told.

  
  

  "We're all simply mad about it. I was just

  counting on my portion to use as a dazzling

  bait to trap some delightful young thing into matri-

  mony with me, and now I'm absolutely 'fineesh.'"

  
  

  I'm sure the Sea Lords can't know about this, what?

  I mean, when husbands are the nation's crying

  need, are we to lose not only a willing but an anxious

  one like this? Now that he is not only a C.M.G.

  and M.V.O., but a Knight Grand Cross of the most

  Honourable Order of the Bath, one feels one may

  with confidence commend the matter to the careful

  consideration of Admiral Sir Rosslyn Wemyss.

  
  

  By the way, my very last, but not least

  welcome, gar---, I mean cap-ribbon,

  comes from "a little ship that has borne your

  name through the battle and the breeze for

  now close upon four strenuous years." And

  her pathetic message is- "From one woman 

  to another to say: Think sometimes of your

  sister as she paces beyond the coastline of

  England, many thousands of miles each

  weary year, bearing your name and carrying

  some hundreds of simple sailor-men, who

  only wish they could do more to bring

  happiness and comfort to all of you in

  England now. Your affectionate sister,

  B xxxxxx."

  
  

  I'm just simply fearfully pleased to get this

  particular ribbon, though I'm always

  glad, of course, to have them all; and like

  the man who wished there were only lips for all his

  kisses, I often wish I could wear all my-er-cap-

  ribbons.

  
  

  Reminds me, some bhoys, the Air Force, getting 

  their own special decorations, and having no truck 

  with those of any of the poor old elder Services, what?

  But then, they were ever the children to put things

  high, weren't they? And oh! but they've simply

  walked off with all the buns in their new mess dress,

  so I'm told. And they used to say men didn't worry

  about clothes! 

  
  

  With love, yours ever, Blanche

  
  

   In box at bottom of page 

  "The Bystander" Summer Number.

  War or no War, rations or no rations, "Black book" or no "Black book," we have determined

  to publish our Summer Number as usual, and, what's more, to publish it next week, before the

  Summer's all gone. And nothing shall turn us from our purpose.

  For the river or the sea-side, for the deck-chair in the shady garden or the Chesterfield in the drawing-

  room, The Bystander Summer Number will be a delightful companion. All our artists have specially 

  spread themselves toe make it a success, and it will be full of good jokes in black-and-white and colour. There

  will, of course, be a Bairnsfather, in which Old Bill will appear with entirely new scenery and effects. There

  will be-but if I began to tell you I should never be able to stop. But one thing I must tell you. The

  Summer Number will contain an absolutely unique double-page centre (in colour) in which no fewer than

  five of the chief Bystander artists have combined their talents to depict a remarkable incident in the life

  of an Historic Character! Look out for it. Be sure don't miss it. Pass along the car, please. Have your

  ninepence ready. Six three-halfpenny stamps will do--per-haps! You see we are not raising the price. Not

  this "Season"!
  

  
  

  Next week, remember! Order your copy beforehand!

  The best Shillingsworth for Ninepence ever produced

  
  

  • Revert to this revision

Description